Dear God,

Nietzsche said you were dead. I’m not surprised that he said that at all. It seems like you don’t come around the neighborhood as much as you used to. I guess if people don’t see you enough, they write you off as either dead or in jail.  Funny thing though, everyone also seems to know where you are, what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling and what’s going to pop off when you come back. It’s quite confusing actually.

I remember when I read Calvin & Hobbes when I was a kid and I laughed at the idea of you being, “A Big Chicken”. Calvin never did like his mother’s cooking, did he? If you are a giant chicken after all, please accept my apologies for all those trips to Popeyes, Juan Pollo & Roscoes.

I’m not a kid anymore though God.  Truthfully, I was pretty pissed when you took my neighbor away when she was hardly 19.  At least I got say goodbye that time. But then, not even a year later, you just had to take another one of my friends, in one of the most horrific ways possible. I must have excellent taste in friends huh? I blamed myself for years, I swore to myself that if I had just held her up for a couple minutes more, I could have saved her life. You just couldn’t resist, could you?

I have to be honest God. I’m not a fan of a lot of your followers. They seem to want to control what is read, what is said & what happens in peoples bedrooms. I mean, wasn’t free will a big part of your campaign platform? Maybe they just didn’t get the memo? I guess if it’s not on Twitter, people don’t pay attention.